Facing it by Yusef Komunyakaa

I have read this poem over and over and at first i thought the poem started out with giving the me (the reader) a sense of fear when he said:

"I said I wouldn't,   

dammit: No tears.   

I'm stone. I'm flesh."

These three lines at first give me the feeling that he is afraid of facing his turmoiled emotions that were developed from the war. but are these emotions from guilt or from loosing a comrade in battle? to better explain i will quote:

"I go down the 58,022 names58,022 names The number of names of dead soldiers etched on the wall at the time of Komunyakaa’s composing of this poem. As of 2009, there are now 58,261 names listed on the Memorial, of which, approximately 1,200 are listed as missing in action (MIAs) or prisoners of war (POWs).,   

half-expecting to find   

my own in letters like smoke.   

I touch the name Andrew JohnsonAndrew Johnson A soldier from the poet’s hometown of Bogalusa, Louisiana; also the name of 17th U.S. president (1865-69), who succeeded Lincoln and denied freed slaves equal protection under the law by vetoing the Civil Rights Bill and the Freedman’s Bureau Bill in 1866.;   

I see the booby trap's white flash."

reading these lines leaves me with two impressions that Andrew saved his life going on ahead and setting off the trap. leaving him with the feeling that it should have been him or maybe its a traumatic event in which he can't believe he survived. so is he facing fear or guilt?